I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
