I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
