sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
