why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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