4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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