i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
