You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
