He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
