i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
