So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
