Im at strip club and am horny
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
