he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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