She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
