I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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