You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
