I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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