dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
