I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Congratulations! We have a period
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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