Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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