Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
