Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
