i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
