I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
