Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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