she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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