You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
