so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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