...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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