I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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