she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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