I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
