Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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