No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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