I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
