You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
