I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
