i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
