my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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