Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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