Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
