I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
