People with herpes should wear stickers.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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