i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
