YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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