I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
