Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
