part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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