I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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