Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
