put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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