Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
